Hold My Hand 4

The wedding took place in a wide cobbled lane strewn beautifully with the fierce red, and orange as pumpkins leaves. In between the colorfully garbed trees were pine trees that suffused the air with its smell of sap.
Frank's family and Till's mother sat in two aisles, and it was Rue, Frank's grandmother, who walked Till down the aisle. The older man's family could not make it and so the wedding was being filmed by Frank's uncle and cousin.
Rue was a tiny woman with a heavy steel gray braid that wound down her back. But her small frame belied the vitality that still glittered in her faded blue eyes. Till felt like a giant compared to the little lady who came only to his elbow, truly close to being a dwarf. It was fortunate his long strides made his walk down the aisle short.

Next came Risch and Gerard, and he chuckled at seeing Gerard. The young singer's dress is from their music video Helena. He walks down the aisle with his hand on the crook of Risch's elbow. Gerard's ebony tresses are lovely, matching the pitch black dress with the vermillion sash. Richard's hair is a deep brown and he wears an ink tux with a dove white shirt beneath.
Next comes Bob with Olli, then Mikey and Ray walking on either side of Doom, and Paul throwing great handfuls of flowers about as he follows. Flake is second to last, solemnly carrying the rings. This would most certainly come off as bizarre to fans from either band but to the men gathered it simply makes it all the more special.

Upon seeing his sweetheart, who had hidden himself until the last moment, Till gaped in shock. Till's little one first of all is wearing a dress and second of all is ravishing in it.
The summer dress he wears is a deep moss green, it flows down to his calves partially covering the tattoos on his legs. The dress was strapless though and therefore showed off his many colorful and varied tattoos that decorated his arms, shoulders, chest and back. The long white veil he wore muted the color and emphasized his fragile shoulders.

The wind made Frank's dress ripple and played with his long veil. It is then Till noticed he is barefoot and his toenails are painted black and fire engine red, the colors alternating. He chuckled at this for it seems Gerard and Risch fought over who got to paint his toenails and came to a draw. The singer is sure the little diva didn't give in willingly to the sassy younger man.

He reaches Till and holds out his hands to be held and the older man cannot help and again smile. The nails on Frank's left hand are fire engine red while his right hand are ebony. Till easily clasp Frank's hands within my own, and felt the tension leech from them both.
A few pretty words of religion are sprinkled over them before they said their vows, and signed the registry.
"You may now kiss the bride." The man of God states closing the Bible that is more of a prop then anything. The two turn to face each other and as Till lifted the veil from Frank's face the wind playfully snatched it. Risch is quick though and snatches it right back before putting it on Gerard's head. The younger man drops his eyes shyly at this gesture. Frank and Till look back at each other, grinning before the older man bends down and kissed his little one sweetly on the mouth, flushing when his new family cheered.

The two separated after a moment long kiss, no need to make everyone feel uncomfortable, and went forward into the crowd of family waiting to congratulate them. Despite the hugs, kisses and the people wanting to say praise Till was steadfast in holding his husband's hand. He felt if he didn't hold onto his lover it wouldn't be real, that this mirage wouldn't be true. The young brunette didn't mind, simply entwined their fingers and chattered with his and now Till's family.

But the marital bliss was not to last for a week later Gitta's phone call tainted their happiness.

Frank had just come out of the shower and had been going to pounce on his lover, who had his back to him, but stopped short. There was something wrong in his husband's body language but Frank couldn't read what.
"Danke, auf wiedersehen." Till mumbled before he disconnected the call. He gripped the edge of the sink and gave a weary sigh before he noticed his little one, dressed only in ripped at the knees black skinny jeans.
"Was is lost?" Frank inquired, head tilted in question. For a moment Till regretted taking Frank as his own, Flake was right he was so young he was only clouding Frank's life with unneeded dark clouds.
Frank's arms around him, head on his chest, banished these thoughts and Till answered as he stroked the brunette's hair.
"Werner is on his deathbed in the hospital."
"When do we go?"

Frank was used to the smell of hospitals, having a weak immune system led to many visits to here and the doctor's office. But he could see in the grim set of Till's mouth that he didn't share the same immunity to the scent. He knew his husband wasn't one for public shows of affection but Till needed him, and so with this thought entwined his fingers with Till's.

The singer was unspeakably relieved when his little one grasped his hand, showing that he was there for him. Renewed, Till asked where they could find Werner, lead Frank onto the elevator, out onto the third floor and towards his Father's room.

Werner was wasting away.

It was obvious in how close to the skin the bones looked to be, the gauntness to his face. It was only his sea glass green eyes that had been left untouched by the disease. Till let go of Frank's hand, leaving him at the threshold as he went to his father. It near broke the big man's heart to see his father blankly gaze at him. It was as if Till was a stranger.

"Why didn't you love me Werner? Why?" Till begged, his lips trembling, as tears clung to his eyelashes, reaching out as if to cup his father's cheek.
The dying man gazed up at his son who had his same tall, big boned build, sea glass green eyes, and said not a word. "Why?!" Till demanded, as he clenched Werner's brittle hand, almost crushing it. Despite the pressure of his son's grasp Werner's hold was limp.
"Till." Frank murmured straightening up from where he had been resting against the door frame. The singer gave Werner a look of longing before he shoved Werner's hand away and turned to his right to embrace his lover.

Werner watched with impassive eyes that narrowed in disgust when they embraced. The old man clenched his jaw when he saw the wedding ring on Frank's left hand, the same went for Till, and knew without a doubt what that meant.
The older man held Frank for a long minute, taking deep, shaky breaths, trying to control his emotions. But alas he could not handle this silent final rejection from his Father who lay on his deathbed. He hugged Frank tighter and buried his face into Frank's hair, which smelled of green apples, and started to quietly sob. The big man trembled with his sorrow at the rejection.
"Oh sweetheart." The small, slender man crooned, his heart breaking right along with his husband's.

"You never were my son." A harsh voice stated from the hospital bed. The two men looked at Werner in surprise, and separated though they kept an arm around each other, as Till straightened up and asked
"How so? I was born by your sperm."
The dying man snorted
"You may look like me but that doesn't mean you're mine." Till pressed his lips together as he grasped Frank's shoulder a bit tighter at the scorn in his Father's voice.
"Why did you stay then? Why did you make me?" Till hissed, anger bubbling to the surface as years old resentment surfaced. Werner's sea glass green eyes shocked Till with the apathy in their depths.
"For Gitta. Children were her world and a child would make her happy, so we had you."
"And you didn't love him at all, right?" Frank sneered, disgust distorting his elegant features.
"Not hard when all it did was shit, cry, eat and sleep." Werner answered with just as much venom.
"You deserve death." Frank hissed, looking up at his lover when Till tucked him into his side to quiet him.
"It's alright Frankie." He murmured, as he soothingly rubbed Frank's arm to calm him.
"That's another reason, my son would never be gay."
Frank bit his lip and leaned his head against Till's chest. He did it to keep from answering back and as one last jab towards Werner's disgust at homosexuality. Till moved his arm from around Frank's shoulder to entwine his hand with Frank's before he took a step forward and held out his other to his father.
"Please Vatti, I want you to love me. I don't care about about anything else." Son begged, his outstretched hand a plea for his Father's love.
The dying and wasted man looked at Frank, then at Till before he closed his eyes and turned his face away from them, rejecting all that was offered and all that Till had secretly hoped for.

"Goodbye then....Vati." He murmured letting his arm drop limply to his side. Frank looked up at Till who gave a nod and lead them out of the hospital, without ever having the love he wanted from his father.
This lesson had wounded him deeply, but opened Till's eyes to the realization he was never going to get what he wanted, and was finally...at peace. He saw now that Werner had never loved him, and while it hurt him, almost physically so, he could accept it. Till had lived without Werner's love since childhood and adulthood had changed nothing.
What had not been given, could not be lost, and because of this Till knew he could go on.