Butterfly Wings

He's laid out on the lawn bathed in the ice blue lights that are trained on the lavish mansion behind him and Ocean can't remember exactly how he ended up sprawled on his back like this. He can see his breath misting in air above him and despite his argyle sweater he's freezing his chest aching. It feels like someone punched his ribs from the inside out. His eyes close for what felt like only a few minutes to struggle open at the sensation of a hand patting his chest. The hand belongs to Z, the brunette knockout from before, who is kneeling at his side. She's clearly just as out of her head as he is.

He feels a fondness for her. She's there for him when she's around. Z's one of the few women not bothered by needing to feed him Viagra before his body can summon up the correct response to her man made breasts and hour glass waist. Z wanted to be something normal Ocean recalls faintly as he watches her rock back and forth on her haunches. She wanted to do something with people, a dentist? In a way Ocean supposed she was still fulfilling her dream. Z was getting paid to present a wanted ideal, it just wasn't with her teeth though those were flawless. A reason behind her body made into a sculpture for others. But that's not important anymore because the Novocaine will be here he knows. They'll find him and give them both sweet blankness of mind. Mostly though it's to stop the hummingbird wings of anxiety in his chest that never stop until the mind wiping shot. Ocean plays it safe, only accepting the bite of the needle at these massive parties. Loses his identity and swallows down bitter coated pills like they're the candy of his childhood Halloweens. Somehow it seems the desperate cocktail of drugs draws beautiful butterflies like Z to him. No money disappears, no credit card slipped out or identity stolen from him in the morning. Instead they seem to come to him to share in the losing of self, comforted by the presence of another.

Z likes to hold his hand when they inject her. Ocean finds the contact grounds him and he finds he feels safe holding onto her as he's slipping away only minutes later. The nectar sweet knowledge of this beauty keeping her eyes on him, her flightless wings his cocoon for the night.